Attending A Wake or A Funeral In The Philippines

For visitors to the country, it would be good to know the traditions in attending wakes.

1. Avoid wearing red or other bright colors.

Many young Filipinos are now no longer very much concerned about this, but the older generation still feels that it is disrespectful to wear red and other bright colors to a wake. It would be best not to ruffle their feelings.

2. Bring any or all of the following for the family:

- "Abuloy" is a gift of money to help in the funeral expenses. The amount is variable, depending on your capacity and your relationship to the family. This is purely voluntary, though, and is much appreciated but not required. It is placed in a small envelop with a message of sympathy and the name of the giver, and is given discreetly.

- A mass card if the family is Catholic. This can be bought from the Parish office of most churches or from religious stores. It promises perpetual masses to be said for the deceased by the religious congregation from whom the card was bought. Make sure you have the full name of the deceased to be written on the card.

- A card of sympathy.

- Flowers. Even a small bouquet for the casket or a small basket to be placed beside it will be much appreciated. Most people send large floral arrangements, though. These are available in flower shops near funeral parlors.

3. If you are a relative or a very close friend of the family, bringing food is also much appreciated. It is best to bring finger food that can be served with the least fuss, and food that will keep for several hours even without refrigeration.

4. As soon as you arrive, ask for the person you know in the family. If this person is not around, introduce yourself to whoever is there to meet you. Explain how you are connected to the family. Give your condolences. If possible, speak to the immediate family of the deceased.

5. Pay your respects to the deceased. It is customary to stand by the casket for a moment of silence.

6. Sign the guest book.

7. If the wake is being held in the home, do not be surprised to find people gambling. This is also a tradition that still persists for many. Part of the winnings are given over to the family of the deceased as "abuloy."

8. Most wakes are all-nighters, especially when held in homes. You don't have to stay all night, though. When attending wakes in funeral parlors, try not to stay way past midnight to give the family time to rest.

9. Do not be surprised to hear quite a number of superstitious beliefs regarding wakes.

10. Do not be surprised to find people weeping in one corner while others are laughing in another. This is not disrespect. Wakes are also seen as a time to retell stories of good times with the deceased, and good times in the family and among friends.

You need not avoid coming to a wake in the Philippines. It could show you a lot about Filipino families, friendships and community.